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GravitasMag.com | 31 Anathema to many, professional educated women are not supposed to chuck it all to become stay-at-home moms. e term itself, "opting-out", was coined in 2003 by Lisa Belkin, a writer for the New York Times Magazine. As she saw it, "Once the barriers came down, once the playing field was leveled, they (women) were supposed to march toward the future and take rightful ownership of the universe, or at the very least, ownership of their half. " Well, I was obviously, not at that moment, a master of the universe. My fellow baby-group moms and I had chosen to delay our pursuit of universal domination in favor of time with our children during these formative years. It wasn't as though we planned our current "stay-at home" status to be a lifetime occupation necessarily; it was simply an option at this time, an option we were all thankful to have. One of my fellow moms, the first among us to return to the job market, had worked diligently to graduate with honors from Rice University, before beginning her ascent up the career ladder. After her first child was born, she returned to work at a large research firm after two months of maternity leave. Her mother was available to watch her baby, allowing a relatively painless, smooth transition. However, after her second child was born, her mother was no longer able to assist with the child- care. After researching child-care costs for a newborn and a two year old, and extra expenses, she came to the fiscal conclusion that her household would actually be losing money if she returned to work. "I can't afford to work", she told me. She says she hopes to return to the work force one day when both kids have made it into the school system, but as she is currently pregnant, that day may be a long way off. One Size Does Not Fit All Why some women opt-out of the work place when they have children is a many- layered issue, one where personal choices are affected by economic realities and corporate cultures. But we should not lose sight of the fact that the choices women have open to them today have been crafted through sixty years of effort by other women. e opt-out phenomenon is ultimately a result of those hard fought battles. In the 1950s, the feminine "ideal" stayed home and raised a family. e division of labor within the family was clear, as were the lack of options for women in the work- place. Flash forward to 2014. Many of the women I know consider their decision to leave careers as doctors, lawyers, scientists and business professionals to stay home to raise children, with a partner providing financial support, to be their current ideal situation, as well as the height of feminism. ey are now free to choose what they want, and what they want to do is stay home, but not without consequences. While the emotional benefits to staying at home with children are often among the first reasons cited for the decision to remain at home, the emotional consequences are rarely admitted. One consequence of opting-out, that I personally encounter on a daily basis, is guilt. Of course, as a woman, I never have to reach far for sources of guilt. However this particular river of guilt is wide and deep, and once again I am not swimming alone. One woman, Sarah, discussed with me how she gets pressure from extended family members who cannot understand why she chose to leave a thriving law practice to stay at home and raise four children. She says, "I had no idea when I was younger that I was so well suited to being a mother. I also feel like I give so much back to my community through volunteering and church involvement, but my family still wants me to go back to work. I feel guilty for staying home, for even having it as an option." No matter where a woman is on the opting-out/ opting-in continuum, she is probably feeling guilty. It is a damned if you do, damned if you don't scenario, where almost every woman I speak to confides that she is constantly questioning herself. Am I spending enough time with my children? Should I be contributing more financially to the household? It all boils down to; is my family going to suffer because of my decisions, no matter what they are, and this is a classically feminine perspective. Women were supposed to march toward the future and take rightful ownership of the universe. " " Continued

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