Presenting

Reframing the Past A s children, boys and girls alike concoct their ow n personal fair y tale based on the stories presented to them. For most women, our " happily ever aer" involved some form of career, but for many, the ultimate goal was that of mother and w ife. When the white picket fence, adoring spouse and perfect flock of children fail to materialize in Technicolor reality, women are le w ith few role models to follow. Cinderella didn't have a "part two" aer Prince Charming under went a mid-life crisis and le her w ith an upside-dow n castle, two k ids w ith learning disabilities and no 401k . Even for the fortunate who found their Prince Charming , the " happily ever aer" has undoubtedly been a bumpy ride. Modern life is complicated, w ith a myriad of opportunities. A nd yet, as life choices pile up, painf ul disappointments can become a heav y burden. So, before we can w rite a new stor y for ourselves, we must address the traumas we have suffered along the way, which are inevitably coloring our view of ourselves and the world around us. e past and the f uture are irref utably connected. Brain research shows that the same regions of the brain light up when people are asked to remember an event in the past as when they are asked to imagine something in the f uture. Furthermore, researchers at the University of California demonstrated that a patient who suffers severe amnesia w ill have great difficulty imagining the f uture. Both studies confirm that our past experiences lay the framework for our imagination to construct our f uture. e ability to convert traumatic experiences into positive w isdom-building stor y lines can help transcend painf ul setbacks and improve both emotional and physical health. In the late 1980s, Dr. Continued on page 38 1. Time: Write for 20 minutes per day for four consecutive days. 2. Topic: What you choose to write about should be extremely personal and important to you. 3. Write continuously: Do not worry about punctuation, spelling and gram- mar. If you run out of things to say, draw a line or repeat what you have already written. Keep pen on paper. 4. Write only for yourself: You may plan to destroy or hide what you are writing. Do not turn this exercise into a letter. This exercise is for your eyes only. 5. Observe the Flip-out Rule: If you get into the writing and you feel that you cannot write about a certain event because it will push you over the edge, STOP writing! 6. Expect heavy emotions: Many people briefly feel a bit saddened or down after expressive writing, especially on the first day or two. Usually this feeling goes away completely in a couple of hours. Now give yourself some time, maybe a week or two, to digest what you wrote. Then look back with compassion for yourself. 7. Focus on growth: Concentrate on the lessons you can learn from the bad experience, such as developing increased empathy for others, realizing that you are stronger than you thought, having the opportunity to meet someone better suited to your needs, or finding your life purpose. If you do not want anyone to read your thoughts, you can destroy the writings, but you may want to share your writing with a confidant in your life, a therapist or counselor. You may feel an aha moment of clarity, or it may be an awareness that settles in over time, giving greater meaning to your present situation. There is no right or wrong outcome; it is purely a personal experience in exploration. "So many people carry their secret stories of shame for years and years in their bodies, not just in their minds," says Nancy Aronie, the author of Writing from the Heart. "But they feel lighter—less emotionally burdened—when they can literally let them out by putting them on paper." Expressive Writing For this exercise, really let go and explore your deepest emotions about the most traumatic events in your life, which could be about your childhood, parents, friends, lovers, spouses, whatever or whomever caused you great pain. Please read these guidelines thoroughly before beginning. Subscribe at GravitasMag.com | 45

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