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How long were you a stay-at-home mom? Just about a year. Har vard wanted me to pick up a project here and there. At the time Jake was 15 months old. He went to daycare and my mother-in-law helped, so that allowed me the chance to get my feet wet in Sarasota and Bradenton. How was it, juggling both a blossoming career and kids? Hard—Ma x imus was four weeks old when I had a huge event scheduled that I had to aend. I felt such guilt leaving my baby. But he was well taken care of. My mother-in-law and my husband were there. I was gone for si x days, but he was fine. He had no idea I was even gone! I think we put so much pressure on ourselves, that we have to do ever y thing. But it takes a village. When I was younger, my grandparents and my aunt were a big part of my childhood. We have to realize that not one person can do it all. I think women tr y to take on too much. Being a single mom now, I sometimes feel guilty for tak ing any time for myself. It's hard to be selfish; it's not in our makeup. But once in a while I need a break from the k ids and from work. I have to take care of me and be true to me because I come back even beer and healthier. Now that I'm the only parent le, I really need to stay healthy and be there long term for my k ids. You mentioned being a single mom, let's go back to that. Your husband passed away at a young age. Yes, Mike passed away in July 2014 ver y suddenly. I was talk ing to him that morning and he said he had a headache and a stomachache. He was going to drop Ma x imus off at daycare and asked his mom to pick him up so he could lay down or go to the doctor. He collapsed that aernoon from a gastric burst, like a blood clot. He was diabetic and had high blood pressure. He didn't take care of himself the way he should have. He was 44 and I was 43. One son had just turned four and the other had just turned 10. Mike wasn't sick; he was just here yesterday and now he isn't here. It was so surreal. You are in a fog at first to tr y to get through the day. In my head all I could think about were these two lile boys…it broke my heart that their dad isn't here. But I also realized that he is here in many ways, and he's part of these boys. at goes back to the importance of tak ing care of yourself. You can't wallow in pity, but you can have your moments. My k ids have seen me grieve; but they also have to see that you need to get up and live each day to the fullest. My boys ask me if I'm going to die, and I am honest with them, that I could die tomorrow…I don't k now what life's going to bring us. But if something happens to me, we have a plan in place. We've had conversations you'd never imagine needing to have with k ids. You have to move on. "In ever y tragedy," as Buddha says, "there are blessings." A nd I have found so many blessings. I miss Mike and would turn back the clock in a heartbeat, but I have learned that I am stronger than I thought. I have an amazing community behind me of family and friends. At times we think we are alone in this world, and we're really not. At times we have to say, " hey, I need help." I am friends with a group of women aged 50 and under who have all lost their husbands. We have a private Facebook page. I wouldn't have met these women if I were in a different place in my life. Since we all went through the same tragedy, we are there for each other and we get it. We had a vision of our life that's now different. Our k ids have become friends because they understand—they're all going through the same thing. One thing I feel strongly about is that you can't bur y your grief. You have to work through it. I' ll never be "over" it, but you adapt, change and learn from it. You do have to keep going. As time goes on, you have beer days. e first year you're completely lost. But it does get easier. You don't ever forget, but I find that I'm smiling more now when I think of Mike. I used to cr y so much. You have to find outlets to deal with your Continued on page 41 In every tragedy, there are blessings. " OPPOSITE PAGE: Kim and her husband, Mike, on their wedding day in 1999. TOP TO BOTTOM: Kim with her extended family. Skiing with her sons, Jake and Maximus. Visit GravitasMag.com to hear the full interview embedded into the digital edition. Subscribe at GravitasMag.com | 37

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