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82 | GRAVITAS MAGAZINE GravitasMag.com THE LAST LAUGH inter in Florida, the temperature averages a mild 72 degrees with perpetually sunny skies reflecting across the translucent turquoise waters. e tranquil sound of waves cascading ashore provides the ambient soundtrack of paradise. Life is near perfection, perched along the shoreline. However, once you fold up your beach chair, pack away your book and head out onto the roadway, paradise dims as the calming sounds of the sea are replaced by the symphony of elderly road rage. For us locals who spend far less time in a beach chair than a desk chair, the sounds of the season are a double-edged sword. Similar to bird lovers who diligently maintain aviaries, Florida locals carefully prepare for the gray-haired snowbirds who dutifully fly south every winter. Shop owners fill their shelves with trinkets and treasures, while restaurateurs stock up coolers for the hungry, bespectacled masses. Obviously, the seasonal senior visitors boost the local economy. In some seaside towns, they are the economy. We wouldn't have these lovely buildings and cultural amenities without them, but everything in life has a price. Admittedly, our west coast Florida snowbirds are a milder variety than the east coast flock. ey are less rude, loud and cantankerous; they do, however, share similar driving habits. During high season, driving becomes a highly defensive activity in Florida. Roads become clogged and the noise level increases at least 20 decibels. Interestingly, horns appear to be the preferred form of roadway communication for snowbirds, while blinkers are optional. Being a Southerner, this horn-happy practice is foreign to me. We only use horns to avoid total catastrophe or to express extreme displeasure. Evidently, further north, the slightest provocation elicits a horn. Even a brief hesitation at a red light when it turns green can solicit a horn to remind you that someone behind you has somewhere to go, so move your slowpoke self out of the way. is honking communication is multi- faceted, I've noticed. A quick beep indicates a minor infraction, whereas the long, lingering variety resembles writing in ALL CAPS. ey want to make sure you get their message, just in case you are deaf too. Granted, some road noise may be a cautionary warning to snowbirds who fail to notice they are not the only ones on the road. It is not an isolated occurrence when a small grey head peaking over a steering wheel fails to realize that other cars are traveling alongside them. A few weeks ago, everything in my car swiftly relocated to the front floorboard, including my coffee, when the driver in front of me slammed on the breaks to make a right turn. She apparently saw Publix, thought she needed something, then changed her mind meandering on. When I pulled around her, prepared to give her a scathing scowl, it was apparent she was totally unaware that she was sharing Tamiami Trail with other drivers. Arriving at my appointment, dress and presentation are covered in coffee. My only response to my client was, "Snowbird drivers!" No further discussion needed. Locals understand the price we pay for paradise. e dues are paid in tolerance and high car insurance rates. But, we know when the heat of spring rolls in, the snowbirds will scatter, leaving us more time to trade our desk chairs for that magical beachside perch. It's a fine trade, a small price to pay for a front row seat in paradise. Happy Trails! Road Hazards Written By Jules Lewis Gibson Illustration By Morgan Rene' Young W Subscribe to GRAVITAS and visit us online at GravitasMag.com Jules Lewis Gibson, Founder & President GR AVITAS Magazine Follow Jules @SeasideJules

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