Presenting

GRAVITAS MAGAZINE GravitasMag.com | 39 Instead of being negative, believing the world is conspiring against you, turn the tables. Trust that the universe is conspiring to bring the right people and experience to you at the right time. When something goes wrong or someone disappoints you, look for the positive in the situation and absorb the lesson from experience to make you stronger. All situations, regardless how terrible they appear on the surface, have seeds of goodness. A crisis is often the catalyst that opens many people up to new possibilities. In fact, the Chinese symbol for the word, "crisis" is made of two characters meaning "danger" and "opportunity." The ancient Greeks also understood the significance of such life events; the root of the word, "crisis" is "Krinein" which means "turning point." Change is one of the few constants in life. Learning how to adapt when a door closes is crucial to being happy. Rather than spending your time lamenting over missed opportunities or lost choices, you must close the door firmly behind you, and pivot to focus on the doors ahead of you. Your next act awaits. Confidence is an important part of positivity. Someone asked me recently where I got my confidence. I wasn't sure how to respond. I don't know exactly where I picked it up. I didn't get it from my parents. While they were both successful people and gave me a good example to follow in life, they did not bolster my confidence as a child telling me I was brilliant or special, in fact, quite the opposite. I was expected to get good grades. I don't remember ever being rewarded for a good report card. I was expected to be kind to adults, get along well with my classmates, excel at activities, and be an all-around good kid. No one ever gave me a trophy if I didn't win and compliments were few and far between at my house. My parents were good people and well respected, and they expected that I would grow up to be the same. I suppose I'm an overachiever, because I'm hoping someone will notice. Nevertheless, I am a very confident woman. And if I'm not confident I can do something, I convince myself I can. I've always told myself: if I don't believe I can do it, how will anyone else? Somewhere along the way, I learned that confidence is not something anyone can give you; it is a gift we must give ourselves. I am also a firm believer in the saying, "Fake it 'til you make it." That whole philosophy of dress for the job you want, not the job you have, has the ring of truth. We all have moments of doubt. At some level, we all hope people don't find out that we don't always know what we are doing. Being confident isn't about always being the best; it's doing the best with what we have to work with. It's important to note that true confidence does not resemble arrogance. No matter how good we look, how smart we are, how witty our jokes or how much money we make, someone can do it better and sooner or later we will run into them. That reality will keep you humble. Step 7: Avoid Comparisons Embrace your uniqueness. You are one- of-a-kind so don't waste time comparing your success and progress to anyone else or some external checklist drafted to fit a non-existent average life. So many people spend the majority of their life trying to fit in, only to find once they are inside, they want nothing more than to break out. The fashion and beauty industry spend billions of dollars every year manipulating our image of beauty. Models are airbrushed into illusions feeding society's ideals in order to entice women to run out and buy the latest product to keep up with the fantasy. Enough already. We all have different definitions of success. Happiness is not a one size fits all concept. Don't waste your life comparing your existence to anyone. Be bold, be YOU! Step 8: Seize Today It's not too late to make your dreams come true. You can live your best life regardless of your current path, stage in life or financial situation You might need to make some course corrections and possibly the life of your dreams may look different than you imagine when you arrive, but that's what makes it exciting. In the phrase, "pursuit of happiness," most people concentrate on the word happiness, as if it is a destination. But, happiness is a moving target. My definition of happy changes throughout the years. What I considered a good time at 25, not so much at 45. I'm thinking at 65, it will look different as well. While we must consistently appreciate the blessings of the moment, it is crucial that we always expand our horizons, continue to learn, try new things and dare to dream. After all, isn't the meaning of life something we define for ourselves over our lifetime? I can tell you, Siri doesn't know the answer. I asked: "Siri, what is the meaning of life?" No joke, my iPhone responded, "I can't answer that now, but give me some time to write a very long play in which nothing happens." Those kids at Apple, they are a clever bunch. Prove them wrong, make something GREAT happen. By Jules Lewis Gibson, Founder GRAVITAS. For more in depth reading, please refer to the following books: The Success Principles, by Scott Canfield, The Confident Woman, by Joyce Meyer, and Second Acts by Stephen M. Pollan and Mark Levine. "You have to believe in yourself when no one else does — that's what makes you a winner right there." Venus Williams, Tennis Star

• Cover