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36 | GRAVITAS MAGAZINE GravitasMag.com When you know you are not where you want to be, the first step towards finding your best life is to take 100% responsibility for every aspect of your current situation: your level of achievement, the quality of your work, relationships, income, debts, everything. This is easier said than done. It is not an easy concept to truly accept. After all, the sum of everyone's life is a result of compromises and sacrifices. Early on in childhood, we suppressed our dreams of being a fairy princess, when our parents informed us that we needed to find practical goals that will pay the bills, a real job. I remember as a child telling my mother I wanted a job I loved. She informed me that all jobs, no matter how great they start out, eventually become just a job. She told me to find one that paid well, so I would have the freedom to do fun things outside of work, where my real life happened. Thankfully, I realized the flaw in this line of reasoning. Even at seven years old, her career counseling didn't sit well with me. It seemed odd that someone would spend the majority of their waking day doing a job they didn't enjoy. For what? So they could go on a cruise once a year, on a ship with thousands of other people who are there to enjoy their one week of happiness a year, too? At some point in everyone's life, we have all felt trapped by others' expectations and boundaries, but the reality is that we either create or allow everything that happens to us. Don't live someone else's dream and stop settling for less than what you want. Too often in our over-scheduled world, we totally lose sight of ourselves. Between jobs, partners, children, parents, spouses, houses, exercise, car payments, diets, siblings, friends, Facebook, TV shows, volunteering, shopping, we leave little time for introspection. Days, months and even years can go by until something, often catastrophic, breaks our debilitating stare. Have you ever been driving and suddenly realized your mind is totally somewhere else? Life can be like that. You are living your life, but your body is simply going through the motions. No more autopilot, no more excuses. It's time to take the wheel and set a defined course. The perfect time to start, when all the stars align is right now. Don't let advancing age, obligations and responsibilities deter your resolve. Regardless where you are or how you got there, it is time to move forward. Step 2: Dream Big You get what you expect, over and over. Scientists continually prove that the placebo effect not only exists, it is responsible for a significant improvement in health and mental well-being. Most people who fail do not lack the skills or aptitude to reach their goals; they fail because they simply don't believe they can achieve them. You must choose to believe in yourself. Usually, this is a skill you must learn on your own. Although most parents love and support their children, they inadvertently pass down the same limiting beliefs and negative conditioning their parents taught them. Cautionary conditioning is often a parental instinct to protect children from heartbreak and disappointment. Parents try to guide their children to a path they view as safe and prosperous. When my 8-year-old son tells me he wants to be a professional baseball player when he grows up, I slightly cringe inside. He is a good player, but he isn't practicing for hours at home, playing baseball non-stop. To reach the professional level requires a tremendous talent and obsession with the game. The number of hours athletes of that caliber spend on their sport is amazing (10,000 hours according to Malcolm Gladwell in his book, Outliers). My son doesn't have that kind of love of the sport, at least not yet. So until I see potential I cannot deny, I will be introducing alternate options. He is a math wiz and very artistic, so I suggest engineering or architecture as possible career choices. I believe these fields play to his strengths and he might enjoy building things like his grandfather (my dad). Only time will tell the man he will grow up to be and only he can ultimately decide where he wants his life to go. Whatever he decides I will support, but I feel it is my job to guide him into a direction that I think he would enjoy and is attainable, until that day comes. So, I am again inadvertently passing on the limiting ideals my parents placed on me. As women, the discussion of oppressive parental visions could fill an entire library. It's amazing to think of how new the idea is that women can actually have a life of our own making. It's sobering to recognize this is the first millennium where women truly have a voice that is counted. Less than 100 years ago, women couldn't even vote in America. Women in Saudi Arabia still cannot legally drive an automobile in the 21st century. Hopefully that will change soon. We live in transformative times. Never before in the history of mankind have women had more opportunities. Regardless of your age or your location, you can become the women you dream to be. Most high achievers were not the most talented or gifted person in their field. They simply believed in the goal more than others. They worked hardest to achieve it. The latest brain research shows that with positive visualization and self- talk combined with professional training, coaching and practice; an individual can "The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark." Michelangelo

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